I should have seen this was going to be slighlty risque when my ’date’turned up with a couple of heavies either side of him. Before I go on I should set the scene here:- I was living in Japan at the time looking for Secondary Teaching Jobs and was quite naive about the local trends and customs and new absolutley nothing about the infamous Yakusa. So when a guy asked me if I would like to accompany him to a variety club I thought, what the heck! So the car arrived to pick me up- a brand new large mercedes type thing which he proceeded to tell me he had forgotten he’d bought it and found it in his garage, and off we went to the club. I can’t say that it was a relaxing drive. Ten minutes into the drive and the car screeched to a halt, bang, something hit the window. The car had only hit an old man off his bike, he’d rolled onto the bonnet and smashed into the windscreen. Did they phone for an ambulance- no- they picked up the old guy, put him in the car and took him to the hospital. Leaving one of the ’heavies’with him we proceeded on our way- after the other ’heavy’had wiped the blood off the windscreen. When we reached the club I was slightly shaky to say the least and didn’t really notice the surroundings for a while. As we were seated at our front row table the lights went out and the stage lit up, a tall blond figure came out and proceeded to sing to a Shirley Bassey number. Only then did I realise that the singers, waitresses, and most of the other ’females’in the room were actually males dressed in drag. Yes to top off my date I’d been brought to a transvestite bar. The night grew in delight- my date got so drunk he couldn’t remember the code to his alligator bag containing his money, and I had already stuffed all of his ’loose cash’down the top of a Tina Turner lookalike so we had to stay until heavy Number one could get back from the hospital with extra funds. I was treated to a showing of his complete body tattoos, drawing the line at seeing the lower half!! Safe to say I got home, had a nice cup of cocoa and booked the next flight home.

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I’ve found in many major cities like London it seems that every other guy I’ve causally meet and am attracted to are rock ‘n roll musicians dreaming to become rock stars. They are cute with funky hairstyles, ‘bad boy’ attitudes and gold jewellery, but for a change I’d like to fall for a more humble artisan type (if there is such a thing); perhaps a shy painter, writer or even a chef would be nice.

I was married to a ‘so called rock star’ and it was stereotypically wonderful and mostly painful. Perhaps this golden dream of young men is popular because it transcends social class, an entertainer icon is like royalty viewed in all its riches and glory.

Also it is my observation that just as many gals dream of meeting their prince and if not secretly, by being a successful groupie. Some gals may want to ‘save’ a self-destructive rocker but it’s more often a desire to live though the fame of another, a double-edged sword and a case of La Femme Fatale. A gal, who already has a rock musician boyfriend, might be cautiously confident about his sudden success; though heady, the relationship will change it’s balance in power dynamics and means she is most likely to have less.

The real truth is a successful rock ‘n roll groupie is as rare as it is for a musician to be a part of a platinum selling rock band. It’s winning the lottery, it takes a gal allot of luck, the right grooming and being in the right place at the right time and that’s just for an introduction. What defines ‘successful’ you may ask? It would not apply if the rock band of choice hasn’t sold at least a million CDs or can’t sell out a stadium concert and lastly if he’s past the age of 30 and still hasn’t made it yet. The truth is the rock ‘n roll industry is as cruelly youth orientated as the modelling world. Jagger and Macca are still doing it because they started fame in their early 20s.

If the rock star is successful, then the definition of a ‘successful’ groupie is exacting, as there are many other girls on this venture that will come and then leave, but basically a successful groupie evolves into a girlfriend and then into a wife. Okay you get the picture; she is not the girl who parties with the band or sleeps with them for weeks vicariously claiming to be a girlfriend without a future marriage certificate. It is through this certificate and contract that a groupie turned girlfriend and then promoted to wifely status that can be assured a financial ticket for support and care after the relationship ends and then again there are no guarantees.

The partnership is intense and an all consuming job and though it is glamorous there’s only a sliver of chance to have the freedom to build a career or attend higher education once you’re both in the fast lane of the entertainment industry. If lucky perhaps the marriage lasts long enough to accommodate self independence and though it’s noble to ‘stand by her man’ the odds are stacked up against her that a rock star will never truly grow up and settle down, even after a glorious wedding and the dream ends. It is a probability as well that successful rock star days are on borrowed time even after the multiple platinum recordings, if not because of drugs and alcohol abuse then by sheer unpopularity and the change of music trends. Would I do it again if given half the chance now? Well, where are the painters, writers and chefs?

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It all starts so promisingly - the internet site that promises love or your money back. As if a refund can make up for the fact you’re still feeling like a spinster aunt after all those failed encounters of the worst kind. But still, you tell yourself ’this time it’s going to work'and armed with your pseudonym and log on details you present yourself in your very best light, changing words like ’cellulite, neurotic and forgetful'to ’curvaceous, determined and full of surprises’. The mistress of reinvention. Within three clicks you’re faced with a range of rugged man-photos, all declaring themselves to be interesting, strong and sensitive. Without a thought that they too have reinvented themselves. Interesting equals self-interested, strong might be describing his body odour , and sensitive means don’t you dare suggest I’m not a real man or I’ll … I’ll stomp off and sulk. Seriously, I have never met a man on an internet date where the description matched the goods. There should be a law against it.
Take Terry (please, do). Generous, warm and sensitive. Yeah right. He generously chose an expensive restaurant then split the bill with a micrometer. Item by item. I seriously thought he was going to count the crumbs from the bread rolls to ensure he hadn’t subbed my meal by a penny more than he intended. All of which suggested he didn’t want to invest in me, that the date had been a disappointment. But he cheerfully looked up from splitting the change (20p in his favour - by now I was watching closely, and feeling mean) and asked if I had my Oyster card. Because, he reasoned, having paid the tube fare to get here, it wouldn’t cost me much more to tube it back to his then home again. Oh, a train fare calculator AND the offer of sex at the end of the line - what girl could refuse. Well, this one did. I left swiftly, leaving him to calculate the cost of a failed date.
Another blind date promised to be ’chatty, entertaining and lively’. I spent the evening trying to make polite conversation with a statue - what do you do, where do you come from, any brothers or sisters …'but getting one word answers, him staring straight ahead. I reasoned he was disappointed in me, maybe the promised goods didn’t look so good in the flesh. But we’d rather daftly booked a set dinner so it was hard for either of us to make our excuses and leave. Then suddenly, somewhere around the cheese course, he turned and clutched my knee and said he found me fascinating and wanted me to go home with him. Somewhat startled, I suggested we didn’t have that sort of chemistry, and it wasn’t the sort of thing I did anyway. He got quite accusatory - my rejection would wound him. I had no idea how to treat men, and anyway, I hadn’t flattered him enough all evening. (Er, run that by me again?) But I could undo the ’damage'and pay him the highest compliment - by going to bed with him. I suggested - somewhat brusquely - that he could pay me the highest compliment by unclasping my knee and letting me go home alone. I left - and this time, he got the whole bill.
Still, undettered, I clicked and clicked again. I met ’rugged'(bully), ’alternative'(lives with mum and has never seen cleaning supplies in his life) and a ’sprightly 45'who I swear qualified for a free bus pass - sixty if he was a day. The internet, the place where we can re-invent ourselves. But gents, if you’re going to meet up, you’re going to be found out. Had you ever thought of that?

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The dating scene is so large today. You could even say its just one big large meat market. Although us females may want to look it at it more romantically. We know the truth the guys out there are choosy. They want the prettiest (even if this involves many painful sessions of liposculpture surgery), smartest, most entertaining gals out there. And even then they don’t know if they 100% want them. Just how long does it take to bag a man engagement ring and all? Seems to be about a year and a half average if there’s no interesting complications. Such as “surprise” little one’s on the way (surprise for at least one anyway) but that’s another story–

So whats the worst type of date ever. Could it be no less, the blind date? A date that your co worker/boss/ friend/mum even set you up on who is just “perfect” for you that you’ve never met in your life. If you get to phone him first that’s always easier. However sometimes not.

What if he’s the most boring person ever on the phone, but actually gorgeous looking in person, just not a talk-on-the-phone longer than necessary type? You know the ones that say ’right see you at 10pm then’. No “how are you”, “what was your day like”, “so whats new?” or is it just us women that do that.

But what if he’s the most excellent ever conversationalist, can talk about so many subjects under the sun, even has a sense of humour, and you could just talk for hours on end. Then watch out ‘cause after you see him you probably won’t have much you want to say. This one is probably a bonafide geek with feminzed features. You might even be taller than him (and stronger). Forget the muscle tone he-man look. Then again he might be rich. So all good in the end then. You see you can never know. Best to stop what if-ing, get off the phone-or maybe not even call at all and give that blind date a chance after all.

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After spending many an evening on disastrous date after disastrous date, the final straw came when I was in a club (not having a mid-life crisis it was sons friends birthday party) and a spotty pubescent somethingager came over, wiped his nose on his sleeve and whispered the words, “You’re quite fit, fancy a bunk up?”

Realising that I wasn’t going to find loves true dream in a rave (where let’s be honest most of the people there should have been looking into appointments at tattoo removal Maidenhead). I took the plunge and put an ad in a lonely hearts column. Yes, shock horror- what on earth possessed me? After sifting through the nutcases and totally insane I replied to a guy who sounded quite normal and had a sense of humour. We conversed by email for a while and then I made the plunge and called him. Was presently surprised by his voice and we spent quite a while shooting the breeze. A few more phone calls later and we decided to take the next step and meet up- for lunch.

As I walked into the bistro I spotted a rather tasty looking guy at the bar, unaccompanied and looking like he was wating for someone. How wrong can a wrong woman be! My ’date’was sat in a corner, picking his nose with a well-used handkerchief, which he then put on the table. I didn’t manage to swing round fast enough and he leapt out of the seat like a Jaguar. I still don’t know how I got through the lunch. Apart from his appearance, the smell of him, his rather unsightly table manners, or lack of them, he spent the whole time telling me of his previous partners wrong doings and how he was going to get back at her. As I made some excuse to leave he actually said to me “So I feel the vibe, don’t you?”

How wrong can a wrong man be?

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For BBWs, (also known as Big Beautiful Women), finding romance can be tough, especially online. Just visit any site offering online personals. Around 95% of them will talk about how much they don’t want women who are overweight. And, if a BBW responds to them, more than likely her email will get ignored.

So, what can a BBW do? Should she rush right out to a cosme store and buy a miracle product? There are some options, some genuine treatments that can help to reduce weight fast. Both liposuction and things like smart lipo are now well used safe proceedures that many people do use. But what if a BBW doesn’t want to do these things? People who are insensitive to weight issues say she should eat less and exercise more. If she does these two magic things, she will become worthy of a man’s affection.

Well, while maintaining a healthy weight is important, a man must accept a woman as she is. That’s why single BBWs shouldn’t wait until they’re a size 6 to find a man. Instead, they need to exert confidence right now, and seek romance even if the dating world seems more daunting.

Of course, there are venues that may make BBWs more comfortable. BBW dating sites are an example. These sites connect BBWs with men who don’t mind dating heavier women. Some even prefer it.

Yet, what about people who say that these men are just “chubby chasers” looking for easy sex? Well, while such men are on these networks, there are also men who are more genuine. Besides, even regular dating sites have men who only desire one night stands. The only difference is that they want their date to fit society’s definition of thin and beautiful.

However, I don’t want to give the perception that BBWs can’t find love on traditional dating sites either. In fact, if they respond to enough personals, eventually numbers win. They just have to stay persistent and treat their romantic life as seriously as they would anything else.

In conclusion, don’t think that just because you’re a BBW you can’t find romance. With online dating sites and BBW networks, you have the advantage of communicating with many men at a time. And, if one man doesn’t take you, I guarantee you there will be another one out there– you just have to respond to their profile.

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Yippee. I’m single. a lot of people would freak at the thought of ever being happy on their own. I don’t understand that. you can have so much fun on your own. no-one in your face to criticise or steal your time. you are your own person. making your own decisions, choices, way through life. there’s lots of email marketing going around selling dating websites. I can see the attraction. for those insecure people out there who need someone else to cling on to make themselves feel whole. it’s a shame really. being alone, living without the crutch of another person is such a liberating experience. you learn a lot about yourself. what you like. what you don’t like. I never realised I loved staying up late, all night sometimes, just to watch the sun rise. watching the sun set is like switching off the light, but seeing the sun rise in a morning, the twilight before the sun breaks the horizon, is the most magical time of the day. it is the dawn of the day. now I’ve lived alone I don’t think anyone could ever meet my expectations. now I hear you say that I must be lonely. why don’t I crave the feelings of sharing my life with someone else. to me, life is just better alone. don’t get me wrong. I love dating guys. seeing someone in the office, catching their eye by the coffee machine. I enjoy dating too, though recently one guy took me to an art exhibition and would not stop talking about his job. I mean guys, be serious, does a girl really want to hear about the pvc banners that your company makes? No. it’s not that interesting. so get over it. turns out he was still working - the banners for the exhibition venue were his.

So, I’ll enjoy my single life, with a little fun along the way. It’s the open path - all posibilities and no limitations. Nerds need not apply. Geeks could be considered.

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Too many times people will find themselves wishing they were once again single when they are dating someone and then wishing they had someone when they are single. The goal is to make sure that you are truly happy with everything you have going on when you are single. For some reason, people tend to feel incomplete when they are single and spend a lot of time looking for the right person to feel some void that they feel. Time and money is spent trying to attract the oposite sex, from the girls who buy cosmetics by the truckload, to the guys spending hours down the gym in order to enhance their physical appearance. This is not the best thing in the world to do as people will often find themselves in relationships that were not meant to be or are dangerous simply because they felt rushed to find someone.The best thing to do is to truly enjoy being single. Think about all of the extra time you have now that you are single. You could spend a little time learning something new, go to your nearest coffee shop and fill up a cup of joe from the coffee machine, finish reading a few books you have had on your “to read” list, or concentrate on getting in better physical shape. This time is the time to spend on yourself. Pamper yourself a little and do things that will not only make you happy but will improve your overall personality, knowledge, and skill set. Go traveling, see the world, buy a camper van and live in it whilst seeing new and exciting places (though if you do that, don’t make my mistake and you should buy caravan insurance, you never know when you might forget to blow all your candles out!)By taking your focus off of finding the perfect mate and just enjoying life, you could very well end up finding a great person for you through the hobbies you enjoy. Take things slow and concentrate on what you need and everything else will naturally fall into place. After all, when you do find the perfect mate, you will have the rest of your life with that person. Now is the time to enjoy being single and take care of everything you need to, and would like to, before you find the person to spend forever with. And if you do wait, you could find out that the perfect Dr Chase is just around the corner…

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When it comes to modern-day relationships, shy women are often the ones who remain dateless. How do I know this? Well, I happen to be a very shy person. And during most of my college and high school years, I remained dateless. The only exception was a boyfriend I had for two months. I was really into horse riding when I was younger, and I met him at the stables. He wasn’t a rider at all, he was the son of the administrator in charge of stuff like ordering the food, negotiating land rights with the neighbours, paying the horse insurance and all the other stuff that really has little to do with horses. He did something to anoy his dad, so he was forced to spend 3 hours sorting out the horse dung whilst I was grooming the horse. If it wasn’t for being forced into a space together for a set amount there is no way we would have gotten together. I clung to him like crazy because I feared no one else would want me. Consequently, I got dumped and wouldn’t date again until 2 years later.

But now, after having gone on many dates, (often with a lot of losers), I found my Prince Charming. And I didn’t have to sacrifice my personality or become Cindy Crawford in order to get him. Ultimately, I was able to remain myself, even if I didn’t have the personality or the body of a hot model.

With that being said, how was I able to emerge from being a dateless waif to a happily married woman? First, I decided to go against society’s perceptions and try online dating. So, I put up a profile, (making sure to include my pic). And the next day I got over 20 responses, from men of all demographics.

I continued doing this until I found my husband. Of course, going through the process wasn’t always easy, since 95% of the guys just wanted one night stands. But there was the 5% that wanted something more. And if I hadn’t done online dating, I would’ve never found even the 5%, (which my husband was a part of).

However, I want to stress that online dating will only get you so far as a shy woman and usually starts with email marketing your qualities slowly. You must also try and fix yourself up to hold their interest. This process is a little easier if you’re naturally attractive. But if you’re not, don’t worry. Instead, concentrate on fixing up your hair and putting on makeup. Also, try to put on a fashionable, feminine outfit, (like a red dress). True, it may not sound very PC, but men do respond to red, as it’s seen as a very sensual color.

As far as the dating itself, try to put your best foot forward. Don’t gossip, whine or complain about things as this is a turnoff when men are first getting to know a woman. Wait until you have developed more of a relationship before you start expressing deeper feelings or concerns.

Again, I know this isn’t very PC, but during the first few months of a dating relationship, men and women are looking to have fun. If a date appears to have a lot of problems, a person may not want to continue things, (even if their feelings are subconscious). So, try to avoid that by starting things off with lighter, more entertaining conversations.

In terms of sex, use your own judgment here. If a man has genuinely fallen in love with you, sex will only strengthen your relationship, (even if it happened early). On the other hand, if his feelings aren’t that strong, it could be used as an excuse for him to abandon the relationship. So just keep that in mind if things get hot and heavy during your first few dates.

Note: remember that it is unlikely to work out first time, and that isn’t your fault, its the law of probability. I was stung by my first boyfriend in the stables, and I didn’t realise that actually it didn’t matter. I should have just moved straight on. When you’re young you feel bad. When you are an adult there are suddenly all sorts of crazy things you can end up doing in order to “fix” yourself. Don’t be rash - there is no need to run out and have cosmetic surgery or anything like that in order to make your self more “beautiful”. You are already beautiful as you are, the reason it didn’t work out, is because it didn’t, nothing more.

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What’s the secret to attracting women? Men who are struggling to find that special someone are often wondering this question. They believe that maybe if they were cuter, richer or funnier that one day that beautiful bombshell is going to magically come out of the woodworks. Some of these people turn to male cosmetic surgery or go out and spend a vast amount of money buying cosmetics. But in reality, these factors only make up part of the equation. What’s more important is your confidence and how you approach a woman.

And, I want to emphasize the word approach, because too many men have become comfortable with newer, more feminist dating trends. They believe they don’t have to worry about making the first move because if a woman likes them, she’ll be the one to ignite the spark. This couldn’t be further from the truth. There are still MANY women who feel that the man should approach her. And she will wait forever until that happens. If you don’t approach her, she will think you lost interest and move on.

So, with that being said how does a man go about approaching a woman? There are three approaches, which I will discuss below.

1. The Player

The player approach is one where a man flirts in an almost crazy fashion. He uses verbal and nonverbal cues to make his interest clear. But is it effective? It depends. If a woman has low self-esteem, or is just horny, she may fall for this approach. But women who are looking for something long-term usually can see through the phoniness and will outright reject you.

2. The Friend

The friend approach is a much classier way of asking a woman out. Unlike the player approach, the friend does not flirt verbally. And non-verbal cues are used to a minimum, (if at all). However, there is also a downside to this approach, as it’s simply not aggressive enough. Despite whatever the media says, women CANNOT read men’s minds. If you don’t tell us directly that you’re interested in something more, we’re going to assume you want to stay friends forever.

3. Normal

The normal approach uses combination of friendship and flirtation to let a woman know a man is interested. Start off with asking her out for a cup of coffee at the Coffee machine and take it from there. Combining both friendship and flirtation works well because it gives the girl a chance to warm up to you and know that you are looking for more. This is why it remains the best approach for men seeking girlfriends. It lets a woman directly know your intent without making you seem like a horny dog.

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